What A Sex Toy Taught Me About Clicking My Heels And Returning To The Present Moment

I heard a story the other day about a man who is married to a blow-up doll.

Yes, you read that right.

Evidently, somewhere on the way to sexually satisfying himself with this inflatable companion, the young man fell in love with ‘her’ and now refers to her as his wife.

He shops for her (taking great care to choose clothing that SHE likes instead of making her wear what he wants her to wear), dresses her, brushes her hair, and lies with his head in her lap while reading a book.

He hates to leave her ‘cooped up’ in the house, but he knows the kinds of stares and comments he’d get if he carried her around outside, so he has to settle for having the occasional small dinner party at his home to satisfy the poor girl’s need for social interaction.

I’m not making this up, people.

When questioned by a psychiatrist about his relationship, he said he realized that it was unusual, but that at least he knew it was unusual, and that should count for something.

At least he wasn’t so far gone as to think that he could walk around holding her hand in public.

As he put it,

At least I have one foot in reality.

This got me thinking.

And by the way, I’m not making fun of this gentleman. In fact, the only difference between him and me is that I haven’t yet committed to an exclusive relationship with my vibrator.

Seriously. . .

The only difference between him and me (or anyone with a noticeable neurosis or two) is that my own strange thoughts, behaviors, tendencies toward addiction, or other secrets are just that: secret.

(Mostly, anyway. I can hear some of my friends saying, Your strange thoughts and behaviors are a secret? Not exactly, honey.)

But anyway - what this man said (At least I have one foot in reality) got me thinking about how many feet of mine are in Unicorn Land.

I mean, it seems absurd that someone who is married to synthetic material actually believes he’s got one foot in reality.

But what about the rest of us?

What about those of us who are addicted to a substance, a toxic relationship, drama, compulsive shopping, a TV show, or Facebook. . . and are denying that we are addicted?

What about those of us who believe that we can rob Peter to pay Paul day after day, year after year, whether it be overstretching ourselves financially, overextending our time with too many commitments, or overtaxing our poor bodies with too much junk food and too little exercise?

What about those of us who tell ourselves we don’t need a relationship when we really want one. . .

Who put off doing things that matter today because I’ll start tomorrow. . .

Who put off apologizing to someone we love because we’d rather sit stubbornly in our self-righteousness than be vulnerable?

Isn’t at least ONE of our feet traipsing through Oz if we’re doing any of these things?

And if one foot is out of this world, then the other one sure has a big job. It’s no wonder we feel hobbled, unable to run in the direction of our dreams.

We’re limping along on half our resources, expecting a full portion of crazy good results. And it just ain’t gonna happen.

So how do you get that other foot (or both of them) back here on the green grass of The Present Moment?

Start here.

No, I don’t mean start here as in I’m about to offer you a list of the Top 5 Ways To Get Into The Present. I mean, start here.

Look at this page and see the dark words against the white screen.

Become aware of your sweet little tush sitting in your chair, your hands resting on the desk or your lap or your mouse, or wherever they are.

Feel your breath entering and leaving your body, your heart beating in your chest, the sounds and smells and sights around you that you take for granted as ‘background’.

Notice where tension exists in your body. Is it your neck, your shoulders, your forehead, your jaw, your toes? Pay attention to the tension and allow yourself to relax.

And when you are really here. . . bring to your awareness those things you’ve been putting up with, indulging in, denying are a problem, and avoiding altogether.

Bring them in front of you and ask yourself,

Do I want to settle?

Do you?

Do you want to settle for half-living under the illusion that it’s okay to not tell the truth about what you really feel, what you really fear, and what you really want?

Are you content to limp when you could sprint?

Maybe you are. Maybe it’s okay for you to live a life of mediocrity and tell yourself that, hey, everybody does it. At least I’m not that guy who pledged matrimony to a five foot two Barbie Doll.

But my guess is you are not okay with anything less than excellent.

My guess is you want a life of love, abundance, fulfillment, and contribution.

So grab it.

Click your heels, get both feet firmly back in the Kansas of the here and now, and grab onto all the beauty, the treasures, and the limitless possibilities that are right in front of you.

This second, this moment, this life you find yourself in. . . this is it. baby.

Be here for it.