the one where helen tells her life’s story

This is the super-long version of who I am and how I came to be doing what I’m doing now. You may want to pull up a beverage…

My whole life, I’ve been endlessly fascinated by what makes people tick. Always.

It started with myself.

Today I’m learning how to be a better Christian, I wrote in my journal at 9 years old. I had self-enrolled in a Bible study class at church and was hoping to improve my skills at emulating Jesus.

As I got older, I didn’t realize it, but I was becoming a student of human psychology.

Outwardly, I went along with many of the typical teenage activities: try out for cheerleadering, go to all the school dances and parties, drink heavily at them, sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, let a guy reach his hand up your micro-mini, become highly offended that he did so (There were 24 square inches of fabric on that skirt, how dare you!), cry helplessly about it, talk for hour after excruciating hour on the phone with the same girlfriends you’ve seen all day at school, lather, rinse, and repeat again next Friday night.

But inwardly I resisted that well-worn path of conformity. I couldn’t really understand what was so freaking special about all of it.

Truthfully, I kinda hated that I didn’t seem to have many of the same motivations as my friends.

At 15, I wanted to fit in.

I wanted to think the ‘cutest guy in class’ was really the cutest guy in class. But (even after I ended up making out with the ‘cutest guy in class’ one night at a party) really, I preferred the quiet nerd three rows across from me in 5th Period French.

And a telephone-free night.

And to sit in my room and read philosophy, and listen to Van Cliburn play Liszt on cassette tape, and do the Royal Canadian Air Forces Exercises, and make a wall collage of my favorite magazine ads.

Over the years I dabbled in lots of things. I was a barista, a telemarketer, an office manager-and-sometimes-fixer-of-remote-clicker-thingies at a garage door company, a cocktail waitress, a café waitress, a customer service rep, a fire extinguisher salesperson, a secretary, and even an exotic dancer for about three weeks. I sang in a symphony choir and at friends’ weddings. I wrote poetry at 4 in the morning, frittered hours away on mainstream movies, joined a mega-church and left it within a month, and dated everyone from an underwear model to a musician (or two) to a news anchor.

I married. Divorced. Then married again.

I became a stepmother. A mother. Then an ex-stepmother + a single mother.

(Being a single mom has been the easiest of those roles.)

Through it all, my rabid addiction was to read and study anything and everything I could get my hands on that smacked of ‘self improvement’: personal development tapes and CDs and DVDs, creativity guides, Buddhist literature, articles in Glamour on “The Top 10 Ways To [Please A Man In Bed/Wear A Scarf/Get Promoted]”, the Bible, Harvard Business Review, books by all the famous (and some not-so-famous) gurus, seminars and webinars and spiritual retreats.

You name it, I consumed it.

I also focused enough of my energy and ambition to climb my way up the corporate ladder- until one day, in my mid-thirties, I found myself sitting in a beautiful corner office pulling in a comfortable six figure salary and directing an outstanding team of people in a development program at a medical technology company.

It was exactly what I’d envisioned myself doing. I mean, like- I had put it on a vision board and meditated on it and stuff.

So you would think I’d be ecstatic. This was just what I’d asked the universe for.

Only it was the lowest point of my life.

I realized that what I had asked the universe for was a straw man.

All I had envisioned was the money, the status, the recognition, the significance.

What I hadn’t envisioned was how I would make a difference in others’ lives. I hadn’t thought of how I wanted to touch people (no, not in an icky way, silly!).

I hadn’t realized that money and a fancy office could never bring happiness. I hadn’t known that freedom doesn’t come from a fat paycheck, but from living intentionally. On purpose. Out of your heart and soul.

(I hadn’t realized, in fact, that my soul wanted to make a difference in anyone’s life but my own.)

I thought it was all about me. That all that self-improvement stuff was just so I could polish myself to a brilliant sheen, so no one would see how broken I felt inside.

But I didn’t feel broken anymore. I felt strong, and sane, and powerful- but totally unfulfilled.

And that scared me, bad.

If I finally had what I ‘wanted’, but I still didn’t feel fulfilled, what was I supposed to do next?

It was then that I had to acknowledge I’d been on a path that was leading me somewhere else entirely.

One morning I was driving to work, listening to a Coldplay song, and suddenly the world seemed… alive. In a way it had never been before. It was as if the universe had been peeled back and I was let in on the ‘secret’.

(And I’m not talkin’ about the cheesy movie.)

I realized that enlightenment wasn’t something that happened on a mountaintop or in an ashram, or that was handwritten on scrolls which changed hands surreptitiously between robed figures in cathedrals.

I realized that the beauty of life lay in my hands gripping the steering wheel.

The trees being massaged by the wind.

The fact that I was running late for a morning meeting.

The slight ache I was aware of in my left ankle.

I realized that there is massive power in occupying this present moment, no matter how the moment happens to be showing up.

And I realized that the Real Me, the soul living underneath the trappings of life as I had thought of it, had been guiding me along a path all this time, and had been waiting patiently for me to WAKE UP.

I discovered that what I was really meant to do- what all my varied experiences and interests and educational leanings had been leading me toward- was to share the beauty and power of enlightenment with as many people as I possibly could.

But not in the ‘monk-on-a-mountaintop-or-under-a-tree-or-in-a-cave-pondering-a-leaf-or-a-zen-koan-or-something’ way.

No, I was meant to bring it into the everyday.

To teach people, bit by very gentle bit, that you can find your true, authentic spiritual nature without a guru, a mountaintop, or a personality dissection.

And ALSO…

That there is a reason to find your authentic nature- your Real You- and it has nothing to do with naked retreats and kumbaya lyrics (unless you totally dig those things and then, yes, that is exactly what it is all about).

See, the Real You is capable of kicking ass in the world in a way that no other watered-down, copycat, bullshit version of you could ever do. And by kicking ass I mean being happy and sparkly and shimmery. Feeling healthy in your skin. Bringing in the dolla’ bills, yo. Slumbering peacefully for as long as you want (sans the 3AM panic attacks!). Looking smokin’ hot. Even (no, especially) as you get older.

‘Cause even though we are spiritual beings having a human experience, WE ARE HAVING A HUMAN EXPERIENCE, PEOPLE.

And high heels, martinis, a lovely home, rewarding work, kickass relationships, and fabulous vacations are all part of that experience (if you want ‘em to be).

Since that fateful drive to work where the universe introduced itself to me, I’ve resolved to put every ounce of my being into learning everything I could about integrating spirituality into everyday life and building a community of like-spirited peeps who want to blend soul + body to bring about personal and planetary evolution.

In teaching these truths, I’ve learned them even deeper myself. Fact is, the journey is never over. The path is long and uncertain. I can’t see the end, and if I could, I probably wouldn’t believe it. There is so much we don’t know and can’t grasp.

But while I’m on this planet, in this physical form, my aim is to help you find that spark within you that is waiting to be ignited, and use it to set the world on fire.

To fan the flames of your own personal revolution.

To help you discover your own unique spirit and spread its beauty across borders and mindsets and generations.

You with me? You wanna play? You wanna piece o’ this?

(Sorry… got carried away.)

Bottom line: if you like any o’ what you hear here (hear! hear!) get in touch.

Immediately.

I’m serious.

Don’t wait around until you, like, feel more comfortable… or your clever mind has had a chance to bamboozle your intuition into thinking it’s wrong about wanting to get some help, and that you really should just spend some more time reading blogs and facebook and twitter and watching youtube videos and self-educating.

There’s nothing wrong with self-education (I’m actually a fan!), but I’m tellin’ ya, I’ve worked alone and I’ve worked with some uh-MAZ-ing partners… and there is just no comparison. The partnerships produced at least 5X the kind of results I was getting on my own.

So if I’m telling your story (I mean, if you’re all, Wow, are we living parallel lives? Were we separated at birth? Am I reading my own thoughts here on this page? and stuff), give me a ringie-dingie.

Let’s see what we can do together to set the whole dang world amaze-blaze with supernovalicious genius + love!