If I’m running around in a pair of flip-flops and yoga pants (which I also love), I feel sporty, comfortable and, frankly, NOT sexy. Which is fine + dandy for most days.

(I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the world can take Sexy Helen every day.)

But when I slide into a pair of hot, height-boosting, hip-slimming heels (oh yes, heels = instant 5-pound weight loss!)… look out world. Helen is bringin’ sexy BACK.

(Yes, I am kidding.)

(Sort of.)

But why am I talking about fabulous heels?

Because they are a perfect example of how living from a place of passion can change people’s lives.

I never gave a whole lot of thought to what makes a great shoe designer tick, until I watched the below interview with Christian Louboutin.

Clearly, this is a man possessed by passion.

And not only that, but he understands why he’s so passionate about what he does.

At the end of the interview, he tells the fashion director at Neiman Marcus that the reason women love shoes so much is because, The woman is carrying her clothes, but it’s the shoe which carries the woman.

He understands the huge difference a relatively small part of a woman’s wardrobe can make in how she moves, how she carries herself, and how she feels.

And he’s passionate about creating that transformational experience for women through his designs.

Now, as much as I love shoes, I have no interest in designing them. I like watching Christian Louboutin talk about his passion for his designs, because I am fascinated by what makes people tick.

(My passion = finding out what makes you tick + helping you tick smoothly and with purpose, so you can rock out your life. I like helping you see a huge difference in your life by implementing relatively small changes.)

If I decided to take up shoe design because I could potentially be good at it and maybe make money at it… well, I’m pretty sure the fashion director at Neiman Marcus wouldn’t be interviewing me.

My designs would likely end up in the clearance bin at Ross in no time flat.

Even though I understand and appreciate the experience of fabulous shoes, I don’t need or want to be on the ‘creational’ end of that particular product (yep, I used a made up word again).

Here’s the takeway for you, no matter whether you’re a shoe designer, a writer, an entrepreneur, or a stay-at-home mom.

Do what you’re passionate about.

Yes, I know you’ve heard that a million times, but are you living it, every day? Do you keep saying that you’re ‘gonna get started’ on what you’re passionate about, as soon as you have time?

You realize, don’t you, that you will never find time? Time is a construct of a limited mind. We need it to make appointments and start classes and have lunch dates.

But when your dreams are at stake, lack of time is a thinly-veiled attempt on the part of your ego to keep you safe and comfortable.

Do you what you’re passionate about. Right now.

And here’s what else. When you’ve figured out what you’re passionate about (oh, and if you need help with that, I’m waiting in breathless anticipation to open up registration to The Firebrand Academy this Saturday so I can help you with just that), turn your passion around and look at it from the recipient’s point of view.

Take the time to understand how you can make a difference in other’s lives.

When thinking about what you offer to the world, ask yourself, How does the recipient of my work benefit?

An important key: I’m not simply referring to work you do ‘for pay’. I’m talking about every interaction you have with people.

How can ‘making dinner’ become ‘providing nourishment for my loved ones’?

How can ‘writing an email’ become ‘inspiring the recipient to take action or think about things in a new way’?

How can ‘designing a website’ become ‘creating a clean, clear space for my visitor to find valuable information?’

How can you infuse your passion into everything you do, and create a transformational experience for those who receive your work?

And lastly: how can you do it TODAY?

Other friends, when I told them about the situation, said, I hope your friend is okay!

Which was a lovely and very natural thing to say.

Who doesn’t want a friend to be ‘okay’, right?

But as I considered the comment, I had to ask myself what ‘okay’ really meant.

And I realized that the incredibly profound relationship I’ve been having with the universe has completely f*cked the belief system within which I used to operate. In a good way, but also a strange and sometimes scary way.

I’ve been stepping more and more deeply into the experience of self-realization for a few years now, after having an epiphany one day while driving to the office.

Thing is, this self-realization has expanded over the years to the point that I’m not only feeling peaceful when I’ve had a chance to set aside some time for meditation, or yoga, or even just a nice hot bath with candles. I’m not only feeling peaceful when the house is clean and my body is in great shape and I have everything crossed off my to-do list (and for the record, that last thing has never happened IN MY LIFE). I’m not only peaceful when everything is going my way and I feel safe and abundant.

I’m feeling peaceful when I encounter rudeness, incompetence, unexpected expenses, and traffic delays on my way somewhere important.

I’m feeling peaceful when the house looks like it needs FEMA support.

And I’m feeling peaceful when I confront my own, and my loved ones’, mortality.

I think this is close to what they call ‘enlightenment’. A pure and unconditional acceptance of ‘what is’ and an understanding that I cannot possibly know what will occur in the future and that, therefore, my only responsibility is to live out of the present moment with love.

There’s a LOT to ‘living out of the present moment with love’ but that’s not what I want to talk about here.

(SIDE NOTE: The whole topic of present moment living- no, not living, thriving- will be covered in juicy detail in my upcoming digital adventure The Firebrand Academy, which opens for registration on Saturday, February 11.)

But back to the topic at hand: enlightenment.

Where was I? Oh yes:

Enlightenment can seem scary as fuck.

(Which is why it’s a good thing enlightenment sticks around, so you can keep practicing it with such thoughts as ‘enlightenment seems scary’.)

Thing is, society is set up like this: you feel pain, and in order for me to be a good friend and a good citizen, I have to feel your pain as well. I have to tell you that this shouldn’t be happening to you, and that the perpetrator (whether an ex-boyfriend, an employer, another friend, or a cancerous tumor) is a shithead.

I have to sit with you and ‘hope’ that things get better.

And yet.

And yet, as much as I’d like to hold onto hope, it’s a punctured raft in the middle of the Atlantic. You can cling to it desperately, until a ship happens to come along and rescue you- all the while crying angrily at the God who would let this happen…

Or you can come face to face with the reality that you may not be saved by a ship at all.

And if the ship doesn’t come, what can you do? Here’s one idea. You could look around and notice that the God you thought was so ‘cruel’ has you enfolded in a rich swirl of mysterious life. Sharks? Powerfully beautiful. Eels? Fascinating. And what kind of fish is THAT? And, how come I never watched more Jacques Cousteau?

Even if you slipped into the depths of the ocean and never took another breath on this physical plane… what is scary about returning to the place of your origin?

I don’t have a death wish. Really. I love my life. Revel in it. Marvel at its mystery and delight in its challenging confusion. Thank the universegodwhatevercreatedme for it every day I’m on the planet.

But when I am in a circumstance where the death of my physical body is the only option… I’m gonna need a better strategy than flimsy, flirty hope.

(Notice I said ‘when’ not ‘if’. It’s less a sobering fact than just a straight up FACT that we’re all going to die eventually.)

One strategy I heart- with-a-capital-H comes from an amazing process called ‘The Work’, created (or, rather, ‘discovered’) by a beautiful woman named Byron Katie, who spent 43 years of her life in pain and confusion and woke up one day to find that the entire world of suffering was merely an illusion.

Her process is mind-blowing and works on everything.

Having said that, sometimes it works a little too well. Since we’re programmed to believe that we need to feel each others’ pain, and that we’re insensitive and non-supportive if we don’t suffer with each other, it can feel strange to open ourselves to the idea that, in fact, this suffering isn’t helping any of us.

If suffering doesn’t actually have the power to CHANGE anything (and it doesn’t), then why go there?

In the case of my friend M, this doesn’t mean that I won’t do everything I can to HELP her in whatever way she needs help. I’ll do everything in my power to support her.

It just means that I won’t go over into her business and live her life for her. I won’t suffer when she experiences pain. And I won’t expect her to suffer when I experience pain.

Perhaps if we each learn to pour our energy into our OWN lives on a heartbeat-to-heartbeat basis, with the same enthusiasm with which we’ve historically poured our energy into focusing on what other people are doing, feeling, saying, thinking, or experiencing…

Well, perhaps if we do that, we’ll discover that we really are ‘okay’.

Upon closing the cover, he pressed it into my hands and said, Mom, you HAVE to read this. It’s sooo good.

Well, umm… you may have heard, I’m kind of a big ol’ sucker for this child.

(Who used to be, like, 19 inches long, and right before that, who used to live in my body, people! How is it possible that we are now reading the same books?)

Anyway.

The idea of sharing a book with him- one I didn’t even have to read aloud- was nothing short of awesome.

Little did I know I would be so drawn into the story.

Dude, seriously. That girl Katniss is one badass little 16 year-old mofo.

(If you haven’t read the book, I highly recommend it and here is a brief synopsis-without-spoilers: it is a futuristic novel about an annual event called the Hunger Games, where 24 boys and girls, aged 12 to 18, are selected by lottery to participate in a fight-to-the-death competition. There is only one champion- and that is the last child still alive when it’s over. The main character is called Katniss. Yes, the badass mofo.)

And as I closed the pages, I couldn’t help thinking about what Katniss had endured, and the thoughts and ideas she had shared along the way.

Yes, yes- I know she was a fictional character. But I felt like she had sh#tloads to teach me.

About spectacular feats of bravery.

About taking bone-chilling risks.

And about loyalty. To a friend, a loved one. Or simply to someone who had once offered you a beautiful kindness.

About believing in yourself despite the odds, but certainly in response to ever-increasing evidence of your potential for success.

And about vulnerability. Letting go of pride, and falling into trust, fortified by the power of deep intuition.

Yeah, all that out of a book my kid ordered from the Scholastic catalog.

Anyway, I started thinking about what MY life would look like if someone wrote a story about it.

And after popping a Zoloft…

(KIDDING.)

So, okay- maybe I can’t say that my life is the stuff of a page-turning action novel.

But here’s the thing. It’s been a grand adventure so far. Really and truly.

And I wouldn’t trade it for anyone else’s. It’s exactly the life I‘ve needed to live in order to become the person I am today.

And…

And, from this point on, as with all points that went before, I have the option to craft the story of this magnificent life any way I want to.

Isabelle Allende once said, You are the storyteller of your own life and you can create your own legend or not.

This means two things to me.

thing #1: choices

We have the ability (and, in my opinion, responsibility) to make choices on a heartbeat-to-heartbeat basis that will allow us to step into the future we desire.

One summer, when I was signing my son out of his summer camp, I looked up to see a banner that said, Let the choices you make today be choices you can live with tomorrow.

Ah, yes.

The inevitability that what we choose today will come back to haunt (or delight!) us tomorrow.

Karma. Of the non-instant variety.

thing #2: memories

A lesser-noticed meaning of a quote like Isabel Allende’s is this.

What just happened a few seconds ago didn’t necessarily go down the way your mind is telling you it did.

Dan Gilbert wrote a fantastic book a few years ago called Stumbling On Happiness.

(No, my son and I haven’t shared that one yet.)

In the book, he shares several studies that have been done to determine whether the mind is either a reliable tool for determining what will make you happy in the future or for helping you to remember what made you happy in the past.

The results of these studies are astonishing.

Not only do we not remember correctly how our lives have played out (subjects in the studies couldn’t accurately remember events that had taken place moments before- much less years), but by telling the story of how these events have played out, we are even less likely to remember them correctly.

Because that was a bit of a lengthy sentence, allow me to restate it.

We can’t remember shit about what has happened in our lives.

Our brains, which are fantastic at helping us to remember where we live, what our families’ faces look like, and the difference between a toothbrush and a towel, cannot be relied upon to accurately portray events and circumstances that have happened in our lives.

Armed with that tasty tidbit of scientific knowledge, I’ve been on a mission for the past few years to not only reconstruct (or is it deconstruct?) my ‘sad childhood’, but to reframe the events that are happening in my life on a moment-by-moment, heartbeat-to-heartbeat basis.

Which means that, as soon as a thought enters my mind that goes something like

If only…
I wish I had…
Why didn’t he…?
I should…
This isn’t fair…
How dare they…

I know that it is within my power, completely and absolutely, to reframe that thought. To rewrite the moment that just passed.

No, not ‘rewrite’. I take that back.

To ‘de-write’ it.

To ask myself whether I’ve been spinning a yarn or whether I’m actually swimming in the clear + sparkling waters of Reality.

And when I shine a bright light on each and every one of the tiny, bejeweled moments of my life…

I realize I am one badass mofo.

On the way, I took about six wrong turns because the place was in a nearby neighborhood in which I ‘thought’ I knew my way around.

Danger, danger, Will Robinson!

Here’s the thing. Anytime you think you ‘already know’ something, you automatically start to act, like, twelve times stupider than you actually are.

When you do that Yeah yeah, I know thing, your mind has a tricky way of putting you on autopilot in unknown territory, fooling you into thinking everything’s gonna be just dandy.

When in reality, you’re like a person who’s smoking pot + texting while trying to ride a unicycle backwards. For the first time.

So that evening, as I realized I didn’t have an effing clue where I was, I found myself sitting at a light, waiting to make a course-correcting u-turn.

There was a sign above the light that indicated I could either turn left or make a u-turn.

Cars whizzed past me in each direction.

My mind was filled with various thoughts (you know how minds are) such as, I love this song that’s playing… I haven’t heard from so-and-so in two eons, wonder if she still lives in the same place… I need a hair appointment… Where does THAT road lead… I should get my garage cleaned out… so-and-so is such a good friend…

You get the picture.

I waited there a few seconds.

(And, yeah, a few seconds is all it takes for all-of-the-above-thoughts-and-more to run through my head.)

And suddenly I realized that the light wasn’t going to turn green.

No matter how long I waited at that light, there was no go-go-greenery happening anytime in the foreseeable future.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO LIGHT.

I was waiting at an uncontrolled intersection, watching clusters of headlights pass me and then dissipate, letting precious seconds of my evening slip away, waiting for the ‘all clear’ signal.

You know, the signal that says, ‘Go.’

The green light.

And yet, there was none.

My mind, which had tricked me into thinking I knew were the f—- I was going in the first place, had also tricked me into seeing a light where none existed.

Sure, there were lights at all the surrounding intersections. There were lights every-freakin’-where.

‘Specially if you count the holiday lights on the neighborhood streets, which remind me sometimes that, Jesus, folks, carbon footprint much??

(Oops, I digress.)

But at this particular intersection, there was no light. And yet I was waiting for permission to proceed.

Permission that would never come.

All it took for me to change my game was to become aware that permission was not forthcoming.

As soon as I realized I was waiting for a magic wand that would never grant my wish, I was able to accurately gauge oncoming traffic and plot my quick u-turn, which in moments led me to a nice cozy (no, I’m being facetious) warehouse where I could pick up my lovely Christmas package.

And I realized how often we wait for permission to move forward in life.

We wait for someone or something else to signal us to Go!

We think we’re stuck at a red light, when really the decision whether to proceed- with a project, a business, a relationship, a meal- is entirely up to us.

I also realized that- just as I determined the correct time to make my u-turn based on the distance of the oncoming cars, the size and relative speed of my car, and my confidence in my own ability to turn in the space and time provided- we have much more knowledge, and many more tools at our disposal, than we often give ourselves credit for.

I don’t think about making u-turns consciously. I used to, when I first began driving. But these days, I just make the turn. All the micro-decisions leading up to it happen somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind. The information I need just shows up when I need it.

It’s the same with anything else I do.

The truth is, I have the knowledge. I have the ability. I even have the drive and devotion to succeed at anything I set my mind to.

And so do you.

It’s just a matter of taking matters into your own hands and making the turn. Moving forward into that next opportunity.

So what about that, then?

Are you waiting for the green light?

Waiting for permission to take the next step (start that business, create that art, audition for that role, send that important email, ship that product)?

Look up. There’s no red light. The intersection is wide and clear.

Look up, and then put your foot on the gas pedal, honey- and steer your life in the direction of your dreams.

Your Christmas package awaits.

You know… that feeling that things aren’t moving fast enough, you’re not having the impact you want to have yet, you’re not making enough money yet. That you’ll never get where [insert accomplished entrepreneur you’ve just compared yourself to] is, not in a million years. That you didn’t get enough done last week, and you haven’t done enough today, and you probably won’t get enough done tomorrow, either.

And I thought about how many times I myself feel like I’m running up against that You suck, everybody hates you, and you should go eat worms voice.

And then, I thought about a li’l magic trick that helps me go from wallowing in that ‘I suck’ feeling to unsucking myself super duper quickly.

It’s a lot different than the way I used to do it.

Here, a demonstration.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:: old way

Come on Helen, you know you are great. You’re great-you’re great-you’re GREAT! Let’s do some affirmations.

I’m good enough, and I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me! Wheee!


*frowns*

I’m not really sure this affirmation thing is for me. Doesn’t seem to be working.

Oh, now, you see? I really DO suck. I can’t even do affirmations right! I wonder if there’s any ice cream left in the freezer…

:: new way

You know what, Helen, no matter how much you try to pump yourself up, the plain and simple fact is that you feel like shit right now.

Let’s look at that. What does it feel like? Let’s go deeper into the feeling and see where it takes us.

In fact, let’s talk to our Suck Factor and see where she’s coming from.

Oh, Suuuck Faaactooor, come out, come out wherever you are. I ain’t afraid o’ you.

*tries very hard to imagine Suck Factor coming out so I can take a look at it*

Hmmm… Suck Factor, you appear to be nonexistent. I mean, I can’t see you. I can’t hold you in my hands. You don’t have a face, or a voice, or a personality.

Why exactly have I been wasting my time listening to a phantom?

Aaaand, we’re back in business, folks.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I admit that may be a tad oversimplified.

Although yes, I really do have these kinds of conversations in my head (par-TAY in the grey matter, peeps!).

But here’s the gist.

Before, I was trying to force myself out of the blues. Resisting like hell. Saying, I shouldn’t be feeling this, dammit. I need to stop, immediately.

And the more I did that, the worse I felt.

Now, when Sucktacular Susie comes along, I welcome her with open arms. Oh, there you are Susie! I’ve missed you so. Let’s have tea. Susie? Susie? *scratching head* Now where could she have gone?

Thing is, resisting any emotion only makes it hang out longer. Pretending something doesn’t exist just makes it seem more alive.

But, through some fairy-magic-of-the-universe loophole, acknowledging what’s showing up for us- and yes, even opening our arms wide to it- makes it vaporize like the shadowy sham it actually is (or… um, isn’t).

So the next time you feel the ol’ Suck Factor hanging out in your headspace, just let it suck. Let it suck so hard that it has no choice but to stop sucking.

(that sounded a li’l bit naughty, hee hee…)

But seriously, it works. For realz.

In honor of the holidays, I even wrote a little carol to help you remember this the next time you feel like doggy doo.

It’s hip, it’s edgy, you heard it here first. (wink)

Enjoy!

(cue tune of ‘Let It Snow’)

Oh my thoughts around this are frightful
But I’d rather feel delightful
And since I’m tired of being stuck
Let it suck, let it suck, let it suck!

It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And my friends are done pep-talking
So how can I get unstuck?
Let it suck, let it suck, let it suck!

When I finally let it in
How the suck disappears in the wind
And if I try to hold it tight
That old Suck Factor books the first flight!

The blues are quickly dying
And my dear, I’m back to flying
‘Cause now that my ‘suck’ has walked
Let it rock, let it rock, let it rock!

Yeah, I admit it. Every time I got behind the wheel it was like Mr. Hyde took over. (Get the f—- out of the way, you idiot! Oh, thanks for signaling, a-hole. How can people drive so slowly? It’s f’ing painful!)

I wanted SO badly to stop, but it seemed impossible.

One wrong move by a fellow driver could send me into a tailspin. I’d rehash the ‘incident’ over and over in my mind, often setting the tone for a day full of crappy internal complaints.

Rationally, it made no sense. I knew these were mothers and fathers, grandparents and children of other people. I knew they were all human beings, many of whom I would probably really dig. But when I was in the car, they were the enemy.

(Can you relate? If not, um… boy is my face red.)

Anyway, I had read somewhere that being angry in traffic was acting out ‘historical anger’. That is, anger from your childhood, anger over unresolved issues in past relationships, anger over things you could no longer do anything about.

I sat with that concept for awhile, and yep, I could buy that. In fact, I could see that I had an issue with someone being ‘in my way’, or impinging on my freedom.

But I couldn’t figure out how to do anything about it.

A car would cut me off in traffic, and I would try to remind myself, You’re just pissed because you don’t want anyone to get in your way, Helen.

But then I would answer myself back, Damn right I’m pissed! Get out of my way, asshole!

Clearly, something had to give.

I’m all in favor of getting comfortable with your ‘shadow side’, but I was wallowing in mine. Rollin’ in it like a pig in mud. Like a fly on shit.

Here I was, a total peace-loving hippie (in great shoes of course) who truly believed that the answer to every question in life is L.O.V.E., and I was poisoning my energy every single day with this ONE shitty habit.

And then one day, I picked up a brilliant book.

I’d seen it before. I’d even bought it before, leafed through it, thought, Hmm… yes, this looks interesting, and put it back down. Then donated it to charity. (I’m never going to get around to reading this one.)

But another (completely unrelated) painful experience happened in my personal life that led me to pick the book back up again.

I can’t even tell you why the book floated back into my consciousness. I just had an incredibly strong intuitive urge to go to the bookstore and get that book.

The book is called Loving What Is, and it’s by a woman named Byron Katie.

I’m not a preacher, and this ain’t Sunday morning, but if I were (and it was) I’d be hollerin’ at you to run-don’t-walk to your nearest bookstore and get that book.

And no, that is not an Amazon affiliate link. It’s just a plain ol’ link.

Here’s what happened for me about halfway through reading this amazing book.

(Side note: this post could go on for days if I told you everything that happened to me while reading it. So I’m gonna stick with the road rage thingy here.)

I wrote down all the beliefs I was holding about driving. Here’re a few:

• It is possible for me to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
• My speed is the right speed.
• People should observe the correct rules of the road.

And then I ran ‘em through the ‘meat grinder’ of what Byron Katie calls ‘The Work’. The Work is a 4-question sequence and a turnaround. Keep reading and I’ll explain.

Here’s how the dialogue went for the last belief I just wrote about driving (I’ll spare you the other two for now). I would encourage you to read slowly and absorb each question and its answer(s), asking yourself if there is any similar issue for which you could apply this process yourself.

You may not have a problem with road rage, but if you have a pulse, I’d bet my vintage Isabella Fiore bag that something has upset you at least once in your life.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Belief:

People should observe the correct rules of the road.

Question #1: Is it true?

Yes. Yes, indeed, people should observe the correct rules of the road.

Question #2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true that people should observe the correct rules of the road?

Yes, they really should!

Okay, maybe I can’t *absolutely* know that they should, because I can’t absolutely know anything, really. But if I’m honest with myself, it really feels like they should, dammit.

Question #3: How do you feel, what happens, when you believe the thought, People should observe the correct rules of the road?

I get super pissed when someone doesn’t follow the rules of the road. My blood pressure rises, I can literally feel cortisol racing through my veins, my heart beats faster, my head feels like it’s going to explode. I often let out a string of expletives.

And then I feel horrible about myself. I feel like I’ve completely betrayed myself, like I’m a bad person who secretly wishes evil on others. I feel conflicted, at odds with myself. It often casts a shadow over my entire day.

If my son is in the car with me, I don’t let out the expletives, but I call the other driver a jerk or whatever, and then I feel like I’m setting a HORRIBLE example for my son.

Question #4: Who would you be without the thought, People should observe the correct rules of the road?

(Long pause while I imagine who I would be if I were incapable of having that thought.)

I guess I would be just another driver on the road… um… driving. And not caring whether other people follow the rules of the road. I would be calm and peaceful while driving. I’d probably be a safer driver. I’d feel good about myself as a person and as a mom. I would feel like I was in integrity with myself.

The turnaround. Turn around the thought, People should follow the rules of the road so that it feels as true or truer for you.

People *shouldn’t* follow the rules of the road. Because in fact, they often don’t! Why would I argue that they ‘should’ if they don’t? That actually seems insane, to cause myself all those horrible feelings when it doesn’t even change a single other driver’s behavior.

*I* should follow the rules of the road. I should stay in my own business, sit in my car, and just drive, instead of hopping into all those other cars and doing their driving for them.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Since shining the light of understanding on that and about six kazillion other beliefs and thoughts I’ve had, my life has literally been transformed.

Please don’t mistake my enthusiasm for hyperbole.

THIS SHIT WORKS.

Not only do I drive peacefully in traffic, but I am a safer driver. I do feel like a better person and a better mom. And my son’s frequent ‘moodiness’ which I thought was genetic? Vaporized. This road rage habit was coloring parts of my life I wasn’t even aware of.

I repeat:

This shit works.

I’m not sure whether I’ve adequately expressed the power behind the process of The Work, but I felt so compelled to share it that I thought I’d better listen, once again, to my intuition and share this story.

I hestitated for awhile, as it’s a little scary to share the kind of thoughts I shared above. But the truth is, those were my thoughts, peeps.

And the other truth is, they’re gone. Yes indeed, there is no trace of those painful thoughts in my being anymore. They’ve vanished like a sock in a washing machine. Mysterious. Inexplicable. Spooky, even.

If it helps ONE reader understand that there is a simple, elegant alternative to habitual emotional suffering (even the kind that’s been entrenched so long you think you’ll never escape) then it was worth the writing + the soul-bearing.

There’s more (oh so much more) to share on this topic. If you have any questions you’d like answered right away, shoot me an email. Or go to this page of Byron Katie’s website (lots of free resources there).

But for now, I’m off to run some Saturday afternoon errands. Thank God the holiday traffic will be heavenly. (wink)

Resistance.

People have named it different things.

Name it whatever you like, but here is a breakdown of the phenomenon that occurs every time you try to create something, whether a business, a career, a work of art, a relationship, or an entire life.

:: the setup

Whether or not you’re aware of it, some part of you believes that there will be some magical place in the future when you’ll get your shit together and have everything figured out and be wildly successful and have loads of cash and encounter no more running-up-against-your-own-stubbornness-or-fear-or-confusion crap.

Unicorns live there. Fairies too.

:: the reality

That day will never come.

Ever.

Yes, you’ll be wildly successful, sure.

Loads of cash? Definite possibility if you hustle.

No more troubles? No more struggles? Nothing left to figure out?

Absolutely out of the question. (And snooze-tastic as hell, if you ask me.)

:: the truth

There will always be a fierce monster lurking behind every door of opportunity you choose to open.

(… and the truth shall set you free.)

Here’s an idea: depend on it. Plan for it.

And, a hint: the monster doesn’t need to be defeated so much as it needs a hug and to know it’s part of the family.

Fighting the Resistance is like chasing your own tail. Exhausting, neverending, fruitless. Entertaining to onlookers.

Hug.

Accept.

Invite it to tea. Or cocktails if that’s more your gig.

And keep moving.

You’re the one we’ve been waiting for. (wink)

Yeah, I said it. The, um… ‘c’ word. Coach.

(I’m also all aswirl in the beautiful madness of a mob of brilliant business babes who are courageous and smart enough to live out their dreams. Thanks babes!)

Anyway, said brilliant coach has challenged me. She said if I wanted to win a pair of fabulous Hanky Pankys (the only underwear I wear… when I wear underwear, hee hee) that I should post this to my blog or call or write (or was it meet up with?) 3 or so friends or something like that.

Point being: I don’t have 3 friends.

Just kidding.

Point being: I really wanted to put this out there in a bold way, so I thought the best way to do that would be to post it here, where it could live forever on the incredible, edible world wide web thingy and spawn cyberbabies if it wants and serve as a reminder of where I’m going. In black + white.

So here’s the challenge.

Erika asked me to write a ‘text message’ to the universe asking for help with a particularly sticky challenge.

‘Specially one that makes me feel all gooey inside. (gooey = vulnerable)

So here goes.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dear Universe,

You and I are pretty tight. As you know from me telling you on a fairly regular basis, I’m pretty darn happy with the goods you’ve shipped. I mean, you gave me this kid who is, like, something out of the Catalog Of Perfect Things I Could Never Have Dreamed Up If I Tried.

You’ve given me a gaggle of amazing, loving, supportive friends (I don’t know if they can be called a gaggle, but it sounds better than ‘pack’ which makes me think of gang members with switchblades and um… my friends don’t carry switchblades. Except Larry. But he needs it for camping.).

You’ve given me so many freaking breaks I didn’t ‘deserve’ in, you know. the strictest sense of the word. I mean, really. Universe, I feel sometimes like you play favorites and give me all the goodies. And I love that you do that.

While we’re on the subject, I was thinking… I know how you like doing stuff for me (and everyone else who asks) and I was thinking… I’d like to ask for one more thing.

I work a ‘day job’ right now. It’s a great job. Again, thanks— I mean, you really know how to deliver on the ol’ paycheck there, universe! Not only that, but my day job is rewarding in other ways. I mean, one could do worse than being involved in developing products that help people lead better, healthier lives. One could TOTALLY do worse.

So again, thank you for the awesome job. Not knocking it in any way.

But… I was thinking. How about if you gave me the freedom to work on what I REALLY dig?

And what is that, you ask? Well, I really super dig helping women ground themselves in their spiritual nature. Not just so they can excel at yoga and stuff… but so they can kick ass in the boardroom, the bedroom, their own businesses, you name it.

And I was thinking… with your help (wink wink) I could reach a LOT of women with my message. I could get out of the corporate world and devote spitloads of time to spreading my message across borders and mindsets and timezones and stuff.

So whaddya say? You game?

If so, here’s what I’ll commit to (since I know I have to do my part to make your miracles happen):

1. I’ll show up EVERY DAY with a list of tasks that get me closer to my goal
2. I’ll ruthlessly remove all distractions that want my attention but don’t relate to this goal
3. I’ll reach out to at least 10 people in the next 30 days who can help me achieve my goal

Okay… #3 has me pulling out the vomit bag. Which definitely means it’s the right step for me.

Universe, you’ve never let me down before. I trust you won’t this time.

So. I’m thanking you in advance for delivering happiness, Zappos-style. Only in this case, return shipping won’t be necessary (twinkle).

Then I read it back to myself, chose ‘select all’, and hit ‘delete’.

Here’s the change I’m making: from now on (within the day), I’ll be taking the name Helen Hunter Mackenzie.

In the detailed narrative I just deleted, I explained all the many steps leading up to this decision and the fears and insecurities that prevented me from making it sooner.

But you know what- it turned out to be one hell of a boring read.

Because the only thing that really matters is that you know who I am and where to find me if you need me.

The truth is, the process that led to ‘birthing’ myself- to choosing and owning an identity that wasn’t assigned to me legally- has been breathtaking and soul-filling and liberating and eye-opening.

And now I’ve stepped off the precipice, and I’m flying into the future I’m creating for myself.  With, you know, one of those wing suit thingies on…

(Yes, I’m aware that I just mixed my metaphors, but somehow I couldn’t think of how to finish the birthing one without blood and mildly offensive content.)

Anyway, the way I see it, those who really really need to know the story will ask- and those who don’t mind, don’t care, or simply think I’m nuts won’t have to waste 5 minutes of their precious lives reading yet another irrelevant story on the internets.

The takeaway: I’ve been navigating my way toward my purpose for awhile now, and this latest decision takes me one step closer to where I know I’m meant to be.

Over the coming weeks, you’re going to be seeing quite a few changes on this site. I’m clearer than ever about my mission and how I want to show up here so that I can best serve you, and you’ll see that reflected in the goodies I’m bringing your way.

So if you’re willing to go on a li’l adventure, keep your eyeballs glued to this space and your mind + heart open.

Let’s pat this baby on the back and let her take her first breath! (I knew I could bring that birth metaphor back… *wink*).

And um… while you’re here, why not share a bold-and-slightly(-or-a-LOT)-scary move you’ve made for the sake of owning your true self? Love to hear it in the comments below!

I’ve been eating bonbons and lounging by the pool while cabana boys fan me with giant palm leaves, but I suppose it’s time to come back to reality.

Okay, really. I’ve been busy managing projects pertaining to my ‘real’ job, and also working behind the scenes to create my first product.

I’m kind of excited about it, but I don’t want to reveal too much just yet because, knowing me, it will change shape, texture, and color about six kazillion times between now and when it launches, and I’d hate to be bound by some earlier description I gave you (I’m kinda touchy like that).

I do have a confession to make though.

I haven’t published any blog posts in the past two months because, even though I’ve been writing regularly, I searched my mind for a topic you really needed to hear from me, and, um… nothing came up. Maybe someone else has been givin’ up what you need to hear, so it didn’t need to be me? Who knows.

I just didn’t feel comfortable posting something, anything, for the sole purpose of keeping this blog updated.

Maybe I’m not as prolific as some (okay, most) bloggers, but in my opinion, there’s a lot of extra content being published out there… and by ‘extra’ I mean ‘superfluous’. As in, you don’t really need it, but it’s there, so you go ahead and read it anyway.

Kinda like a big bowl of Doritos at a party.

But while I’m on the topic of creating content, I’d like to share something else with you (there’s a point in here, if you’ll stay with me for a minute).

The product I’m working on is in an area in which I’ve personally experienced success in my life, and also where I’ve seen others in my own sphere of influence experience success. It is NOT based on an idea of success that I have read about in books, watched others attain from afar, wished for fervently, or visualized about daily in front of a vision board.

So why am I sharing this with you?

If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed that it’s taking me kind of a long-ass time to create my first product. You may have also noticed that I am not terribly consistent about posting to my blog.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that these two factors are intertwined, and that they are somewhat due to a tendency for us creative types to not necessarily want a lot of structure around our time. (That is my sissified way of saying I haven’t cracked my own whip hard enough.)

But really, there is another aspect to it. I’m a highly intuitive person. I spend a lot of time asking my own inner voice what I should do next, and even though I don’t always listen to it, it always answers me. Always. And in the case of my product, it says, Don’t be in a rush. It’s more important to create value than to make bank.

Don’t get me wrong, I love making money. You’d never know it to view this site, but you would if you saw me kick ass at my day job. And the reason I excel at my career is because I’m creating value there.

In that same vein, here in this online space, I would much rather hold out until I have something truly valuable to offer, than to just make up something that I think might bring in some cash.

And that leads me to my point.

I don’t mean to sound cynical (Don’t you hate when someone begins a sentence with a qualifier like that? It always means they’re going to do the thing they just said they didn’t want to do…), but I’ve been around the ‘information products’ industry long enough to realize that there is a… ahem, buttload of people delivering advice about what they wish they could do but haven’t yet managed to actually do yet.

The online world abounds with books, coaching programs, and ‘telesummits’ aimed at women who want to find health and abundance, experience more freedom in their lives, and pursue their dreams.

These programs often feature women who have learned to ‘live life on their own terms’, ‘make a living doing what they love’, ‘break through barriers to success’ and whatever else these women have magically learned to do that they will now share with you in an easy one-two-three step program as soon as you click the big red Add To Cart button and hand over your credit card details.

I know for a fact, peeps, that a significant number of these folks have never actually done what they are now saying they can help YOU do. I don’t mean any disrespect to any of them (I fully believe everyone has their own path), but to be totally honest, it kind of torques my jaw to see people trying to teach what they themselves have not yet learned.

Okay, I didn’t mean to sound cynical…

But rather than harp on what’s not working, I’d like to switch gears entirely. Because there’s a reason so many personal development and success products are being thrown together by opportunistic marketers and sold by the hundreds and thousands.

People are hungry for the answer.

And they’ll fork over (hey, guilty as charged) just about any amount to someone who claims to have that answer.

There’s nothing wrong with self-exploration and a desire to further your own personal growth. But when the quest for personal evolution becomes another form of consumerism (I believe Deepak Chopra called it ‘spiritual materialism’), it’s really no different from whiling away your days at the shopping mall.

(Not that whiling away a day at the shopping mall every now and then is all bad…)

But in the interest of protecting both your wallet and your sanity, I’d like to throw out an impassioned plea to all who are interested in personal development.

Stop believing there is an answer out there that you don’t know about yet.

An answer you’d find if only you bought the right program, adhered to the right spiritual discipline, adopted the right time management system, hired the right coach or therapist, attended the right spiritual retreat, burned the right incense, drank the right green juice, or prayed the right prayer.

It certainly doesn’t hurt (and quite often helps) to buy books and programs, hire coaches and therapists, drink green juice, and take part in whatever rituals bring you closer to your own truth, but that’s the key: it’s your own truth.

And it’s found only within the deepest recesses of your wise and wonderful self.

Yes, your wise and wonderful self.

(Ya got one, you know.)

No matter how many times you may have tried and ‘failed’… no matter how many mistakes you may have made, people you may have hurt, opportunities you may have ‘missed’, or dreams you may have let die… at your core, you are wise beyond what you may give yourself credit for.

Do yourself a favor and embrace your wisdom.

Hold it close like a lover.

And guard it fiercely against anyone who says you ‘should’ read, worship, study, or adopt any sort of book, program, habit or belief.

Yes, sure, listen to the wisdom of those who have gone before you. (For the record, there are some truly amazing teachers, coaches, and mentors out there.)

But take in only what feels right and real to you, and leave the rest.

Let go of the story that you need an owner’s manual for your very own body and mind.

Allow yourself the privilege of deciding what to do all on your own (no gurus necessary!).

You can’t screw it up anyway. It’s all part of your grand and glorious life: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the spectacularly awe-inspiring.

Try it now. Put the book down, close the computer screen, turn off the iPod, and ask the small, still voice within what to do. She knows.

Oh, but one more thing…

When my product is available, it will of course contain The Answer (wink). Stay tuned…